emotions that flood my heart in rivulets of silver

my older sister is going through a really rough time, and i wish i could fly to columbus to support her right now. she came home from work a few days ago to find that her jackass of a husband had left her without warning. rather than a tearfully created dear john letter, she gets a message on the machine which said he didn't want a divorce but then got cut off before he could tell her his new number. apparently, he'd been deceiving her for months while he plotted in secret to scope out apartments in cincinnati, sign a one year lease, and rent the UHaul required to abscond with all his furniture.

when she first told me about this unexpected turn of events, my initial reaction was inflammatory. i seethed at his gall for abandoning her, at his utter avoidist attitude for not even communicating about this extreme decision. we rallied in anger, and i said i always thought she deserved better. she's gorgeous, smart, generous, and funny. it doesn't hurt that she's rich and kind of a monogamous nympho too. he was a loafer, too conservative, too judgmental, and immature. he was an ostrich with his head in a hole pretending bad things didn't exist. so much for through thick and thin. even if he doesn't want a divorce, divorce his ass anyway i said, and she passionately agreed.

then that evening, when the sensational nature of it had subsided, the depressing reality of it took over. she wasn't given the chance to fight for their relationship because he never talked to her about his issues, and after this abrupt disappearance, how could she trust him again to try to make things work if he does call? she would swallow suffering and doubt if she let him move back in, constantly wonder if he'd turn tail and run again when faced with uncomfortable problems. my sister and i endured all kinds of abandonment in the past as it is, and the person she trusted the most fell through in the most spectacular way. after ten years of marriage, after they both resisted temptations and both made certain career and life decisions so they could stay together, after building a home and planning a mutual future, it just screams of unfairness and betrayal to come home to a suddenly half empty house without a decent explanation.

despite my low opinion of him since their wedding day, i always took it at face value when my sister said they were in a happy union, happier than most relationships she saw. she counted herself lucky to be with him, defended all his suspiciously unsupportive behavior in the past, told me i just didn't know him and how he was with her. and they did used to be happy. i would see him be thoughtful and affectionate and loving, and even i was beginning to give him the benefit of the doubt, albeit begrudgingly. i thought about how much she believed in him, and it broke my heart to imagine how she must feel now. i felt rotten about saying all the things i said the day before about him. i don't want her to feel foolish or angry with herself. i don't want to say, "i knew he wasn't right for you since day one", and help make her feel like an idiot who wasted a decade with an obviously wrong guy. who am i, with my limited interactions with him/them, to feel i was privy to more knowledge than she and inadvertently lord it over her and make her feel even worse in an already terrible situation that no one saw coming? because we never know the future, and sometimes those presently perfect things end up shitting on you after all. she thought she was in a good thing, doing a good thing, and the last thing she should do is blame herself for putting so much faith in it.

so i called her again today, and our conversation was more subdued. she was going through the embarrassment of telling all her friends about being left because her and her husband were supposed to attend a friend's wedding next week, and she knew they'd all ask her about it when he didn't show. she told me they had already bought a non-refundable vacation package to stay at an all-inclusive resort in jamaica next month and attend their friends' vow renewal. she fished a bit to see if i could take off work, and i said immediately i would make it happen and go with her. the travel agent couldn't change anything about the plane ticket with his name on it so i'll be purchasing one tomorrow, but whatever. i actually used to fantasize about buying my sister a cruise for her birthday, sans her husband, so she could see how much fun it was without him, so i'm just getting my wish and i get to participate.