Hoodoo! Who Do? You do.

Seams, Steener, and I watched "The Skeleton Key" last night, to my chagrin since I spearheaded the outing with much ado. Erghh, how bad does this movie suck? Let me count the ways...

1. It's simply not scary when the supposedly evil witch people yell, "She's fixed the doors, ma!", reminiscent of a redneck shouting for a shotgun.
2. I love you Kate, but "hoodoo" yourself back to "Almost Famous", when your movie character had depth and held interest.
3. Speaking of bad characters, Caroline (Hudson) is supposed to be an empathetic hospice caretaker, yet her idea of healing involves scaring the holy sh*t ghosts out of a traumatized, old man. Not to mention, it got a tad ludicrous when she crashes her little economy car multiple times into steel gates with the poor decrepit guy sliding around in the passenger side. Then, after ensuring he's too paralyzed with fear and injuries to escape by himself, she lays him on a workbench in a wet tool shed, throws a sheet over his head, and drives to her boytoy's house.
4. Can we please start making other rooms scary besides ones in attics? I haven't liked a movie attic since Beetlejuice; that's a long time people!
5. The ending isn't exactly predictable per se (although there are a lot of hunches you get after 30 min. into the movie that turn out more or less true), but Damn Gina. The extended epilogue just about used interpretive dance, American Sign Language, and a Power Point presentation to get the message across. We get it. It's not even that shocking. Stop trying to jock M. Night Shamalamabingbang.

On a more positive note, I thought Rowlands and that old dude gave good performances despite a rotten script. And...well, it wasn't a waste of two hours as much as "I Know What You Did Last Summer", or "Jeepers Creepers". Those movies made me die a little inside. But yeah, so much for the horror thrills I was seeking. This film is just like creepy rooms in the attic, don't go there.