My Goldilocks and the 3 Bears Incident

This week, I have had the house all to myself because Cristina is in North Carolina visiting family, Lauren was in DC for training, and Jack, the perpetual hanger-onner, was in Hoonah getting his fishing boat.

So yesterday, I get home from work still believing everyone was out of town. That is to say, I was caught completely unawares when, as I was in the bathroom, I noticed a burgundy towel that was not mine hanging up. “Somebody’s been using my shower!” I thought. Still, as we never lock the door and friends come and go as they please, even when we’re not around, I didn’t think too much of it.

Then I went to our laundry room to put some things I’d washed in the dryer, when I discovered that what I pulled out were not my things at all but gross bedding and men’s clothes. “What the hell, someone’s been using my washing machine!” Now I was getting suspicious.

Later on when I wanted to drink some of my cold Alaskan Amber, I looked in my fridge and found one was missing. “This is the last f’ing straw; someone’s been drinking my beer!!” Now I was definitely peeved with the mysterious freeloader.

At the Alaskan bar that evening, in strolled Jack Attack and I knew I had my culprit.

Me: You showered in our bathroom, used our washing machine, and drank my beer you SOB!
Jack: Oh yeah, that beer was horrible too. I just poured most of it down the drain while I was showering.
Me: You sick, twisted bastard! I got that beer from my boss for my new job!
Jack: Yeah sorry about that. Doh de doh de doh.

My “three bears“ to Jack’s “Goldilocks” wanted to maul him but then he bought me another beer and all was forgiven. But next time, leave a note or I’ll have to get the one-armed man to teach you a lesson.