Don't F&ck Your Family

So Spanks walks into my house and says, "I've got this great movie for us to watch." "What's it about?" I asked. "Well, it's a family movie. There's a bunch of comedians, and they tell a joke--the same joke--but sort of one-upping each other, and then Bob Saget starts sucking off the mime..."

"Wait, what!?? What is this movie called??"
"The Aristrocrats."

While that conversation is untrue, the movie isn't. Okay well Danny Tanner doesn't actually blow the mime, but he does talk about screwing children. For 45 minutes no less and in great, gleeful detail. And Andy Richter talks about it TO his own kid. Because this movie is lewd, unspeakably obscene, and funny as shit. If you think shit is funny. And if you think swimming in it and smearing it all over your face is another hilarious concept, then you're Golden. Showers.

Based on some tradition dating from vaudeville times, comics tell this joke to each other, improvising the middle bits, making it as shocking and offensive and lengthy as they can, and the punchline? "The Aristrocrats!" (jazz fingers or other showy hand gesture here). Not a particularly exceptional ending, but that's not the point. How far you can push the limits is.

And like a Rorshach test to crazy people, apparently, you can tell a lot about the person depending on how they tell this joke. There are those who focus on incestuous acts, those who prefer highlighting bestiality, the ones who revel in scatological humor, and the best tellers of them all who masterfully weave all three elements and then add a random bit like a dead grandmother. Or my favorite, the wife with a boil on her back. That popped.

From Whoopi Goldberg to Robin Williams to Ant--hell even Carrie Fisher has her own take--, these comedians proudly parade their personal versions, fondly reminisce the first time they heard The Joke, and break down why it actually works. You get to see how important timing and vocal inflection and embellishments are, and how hard it is to actually be funny. And when someone manages to pull this joke off, and brilliantly, you are that much more impressed.

Germans, however, probably wouldn't find The Joke that shocking seeing as they do that kind of thing in real life anyway.**


**If that statement offended you, you are better off not seeing this film. Or reading my blog ever again. Which I probably wouldn't have to tell you twice, you puritan cumbucket.