a lot can happen in 5 weeks

My grandmother died last Wednesday. I don't handle loss bravely. I wish I could say I carried it like an inner strength, with grace. But instead, I soaked it in wine and slept for 6 days. I went to the Shrine, I went to the historic cemetery, and still, I can't find closure.

My older sister wrote a tribute for her memorial service that captures my feelings too:

"There is no way to fully express what Lola Polly means to me. She is my foundation and is with me always. Though she is physically gone, her love and the lessons she taught me thru words and by example, stay with me. During her life, I have strived to make her proud of me, not only because I love and respect her, but mostly because I admire her above all others. To me, she is always strong, always loving, always hard-working and always loyal. No one's approval meant more. Now that Lola Polly is gone, I hope to honor her memory by living my life in a way that reflects all that she has given to us. I am so very proud to be part of her legacy. She told me once how proud and happy she was of what we, her grandchildren had accomplished, and that "You all have a good life." Then she asked me, "Can you believe all of you came from a simple girl that lived on a small island?" Yes Lola, I can."